Part of A Masters journey

Well My slave had a great idea and this should prove to offer a way to get things off my chest and possibly bring new insight from within as well as from others.

There are 3 blogs within this one: My Pagan journey, My Bisexual journey, and My BDSM journey.

Well to start, I will go with the easiest of journeys and continue from there.

I was about 15-16 yrs old and was introduced to my then girlfriend’s friend, Amy. She was a feminist pagan vegan. But she offered information in the form of a book Celt Spirit. I borrowed said book when I was around 18 and after a lot of soul searching. So I read some of it and had my ex-wife read the rest to me. Things seem to make sense more then any other religion has ever to me.

Things did take a rough patch after my ex-wife which was the said girlfriend. I had gone into things half hearted and was attacked by something (still unknown what). Through it all, ISIS prevailed in get us through the spiritual mayhem. Since then ,I have been in small groups in trance dances and discussions. I have ever further developed my ways and feelings.

The Lord and Lady have blessed me with a loving slave who is very knowledgeable and helpful in my spiritual life. It all has developed a greater enjoyment of who and what I have in life.

It helps that my mom is supportive and though not “pagan” believes an awful like us. And I have learned to nurture my gifts as best as possible. It has just been a seamless and simple part of my life, like it was there from the start and I just had to find it.

 

Well here goes a tough to tell story the bisexual journey.

I started to find my self being different at an early age. I was finding myself attracted to many girls and women at an early age but, also found myself attracted slightly to my then best friend. He initiated some situations and I found my self looking forward to them and curious to new things with him. I almost even dumped my then girlfriend to be with him more often.

Oddly enough, she (the girlfriend) offered straight encounters and I found myself in similar situations wanting more and even waning new ones. I had, as many kids did, experimented in private, further breeding confusion. I started to realize that to be anything but straight would cause trouble growing up and ect. Then, to further hurt things, I was molested by a trusted man in my life, which really twisted my mind.

So, after that, I have been hiding from myself for years and at the same time still having strange urges and thoughts which led to internal struggles. Any time I privately pacified my desires, I felt dirty and ashamed of who and what I am. I have been at war with myself and at times afraid of myself for 15 or 16 years estimated.

On top of this, I had obvious self esteem issues, to the point I could not even look at myself in mirrors or pictures with out shame or disgust. In amongst all this time line, my ex-wife tried to help me, or so I thought. She seemed to almost make fun at what turned me on or had curiosities of what me and my then best friend would look like in bed .

The next girl I was involved with was a lil more supportive, but just had no idea how to help me through it.

4 years ago, I met My slave(thank the lord and lady again). She has actually helped me in many ways and has showed me new ways to think and so on. I have come to accept that I am bisexual. I have gotten to where I can look in the mirror and not feel disgust. I still have my moments where I get a little confused when I try to analyze what aspects of me are bi or why.

What makes things much easier she has not tried to exploit me or laugh at me. She even seems to care what turns me on (in a caring manner) as to better know her Master. She has even helped me with some private enjoyment.

I still find myself trying to delay some enjoyment, almost having to work up courage to have some satisfaction by toy. But not near as much as I once did.

At times I still kind of wish I would have had a boyfriend in the past. To have had at least one adult boyfriend to further explore and handle the internal struggle.

I definitely see my self like 60% heterosexual and 40% homosexual . I enjoy the companionship of My female as well as the cuddling and sex play, and I find my self merely yearning for male sex play and not the cuddling of men.

All though I think of sex with both males and females about the same percentages of the time. In time I’m sure I will be able to be completely able to deal with my sexuality 100%.

I have made leaps and bounds with the help of my slave. And I even managed to put bisexual on my net profiles which I would never have had done in fear of ridicule.

I have left some details out but this is not a porn blog its about my internal struggle to self recognition and acceptance.

 

Well, time for the other simple journey, now that’s out of the way.

 

My slave has opened topics of BDSM in the past. But finally, after coming out in a sense, I had the self courage to seriously look at BDSM. I found that it is much more than weekend bedroom fun. I always was under the misconception it was all whips and chains and nonsense.

She showed me some sites to look at that she remembered from the past. I was intrigued and impressed. Through some nudging, I discovered that we were almost in the lifestyle. So I made the final decision to make her My slave. I did a lot of training research to make sure I knew what I was doing and then collared her on O/our wedding anniversary. W/we made a contract and from there I approved and designated goals and rituals.

At first, calling her my slave or hearing her call me Master was odd, but it quickly felt natural like its been this way for much longer than it has. I got her registered on TSR and W/we have already found great info and possible networking folks too.

I did have some concern on where a Bi-Master sits in the grand scheme of 24/7 M/s . But I have found some insight to this as well as other info.

Now I know its possible to be true to My Bi tendencies within the life style, as well as life.

Since the start of our 24/7 M/s journey, I have been more confident in my self as a Master and as man. I believe O/our relationship has improved 3 fold, something I had not thought possible. In some ways, I wish we could have done this earlier, but I know I was not ready then.

In light of some things (like My slave’s disabilities), I plan on bringing in a beta slave to assist with her and My needs. I know this will be a tough project, but I have all the confidence in U/us . O/our communications have improved so much, as well as O/our understanding of each O/other and the world around U/us. I am even finding a desire to seek out gatherings of like minded folks to meet and talk with and show off My pet .

She has been constantly improving which fills Me with pride of her and Myself. This has been as natural a feeling as my spirituality. And its helpful that I have a pretty good understanding of how people work in general and, when given the chance, I can be a good judge of folks too.

One last little thing: Its nice to know that I did not have to change who or what I am or change how I dress or even My religion. If you do not have to change your core being, in my opinion, Y/you’re probably on the right track.

And to beat all this, I still see myself as a one of a kind redneck. I still love tractor pulls, fishing, guns, and loud trucks